Children these days are extremely intelligent and smart. They are more aware than us when we were in their age. However, there is one tendency that they are picking up really fast is the habit of arguing. Kids show disagreements all the time. They would be less likely to agree with you unless you give them a logic and explain why you are saying so. If parents fail to provide a suitable reasoning, there are more chances of children picking up arguments.
As parents, we need to teach them and make them understand that rather than arguing they should discuss their viewpoints. Arguments and discussions both are different forms of putting one’s viewpoint but there is a lot of difference between the two.
In an argument, people put forth their different view points. They try to convince each other that they are right and that the other person should agree with them. Arguments generally become very heated and lead to altercation. In an argument, people become very emotional and aggressive. People start shouting, screaming and even blame each other.
Discussion, on the other hand, is more amicable. There are difference of opinion but people put forth their views while trying to understand the other. It is more friendly in nature.
So, what are the ways through which you can avoid falling a prey to arguments with your kids?
1. Make clear cut rules
If you have set out certain rules for your child, be very clear cut about them. Children are very smart in finding loopholes for breaking the rules. When you say it is time to study, be very clear in your approach that what the child is supposed to do and what not to do during study time.
2. Be clear with the consequences
Children might at times, agree that they have broken the rules but may differ and start arguing when it comes to facing consequences. They will say that you are being unfair with them. They might object to the punishments being given. So, while setting the rules be very specific with the consequences they will have to face for breaking those rules.
3. Avoid negotiating over punishments
Sometimes children are so good in arguing that they often start negotiating over the punishments. Avoid falling a prey to negotiating over consequences. When they have broken a rule, they just have to face the consequences, whatever they may be. Make it clear to them ahead of setting the rules. Negotiating is almost equal to eliminating punishments.
4. Avoid arguing back
At times, parents fall a prey to arguments with their kids when the kids are able to give reasoning in support of their deeds. This makes it difficult to deal with them. Try to avoid having arguments with them. You can tell them that you will discuss about it later. Or right now they need to do what you are asking them to do and later on you will have a conversation with them.
5. Increase the consequences in case of arguments
If you feel that the child is becoming adamant and is bent upon arguing then tell him that the consequences shall be increases in case they argue. Be firm with your decision and make it clear to them. For example, if you have set the punishment as no TV time for one day, then increase it to two days I’d they start arguing. The child will realise that his arguments will only increase the punishments anand not lessen it.
6. Be firm and consistent
It does not make any sense if you give them empty threats. The child will see through your weakness and exploit it further. Once the child realises that his ability to argue has won him, he will argue even more the next time to get him what he wants. As parent, you need to be firm and consistent with what you said once.
7. Don’t make the punishments too harsh
Remember, a child is a child. We are punishing them in order to make them learn and not to make a rebel out of them. If the punishments are too severe or unreasonable, the child will protest and rebel. Try to replace the punishments the next time rather than enforcing the same ones again and again.
It is also important to make them understand that arguments will not lead to anything good but will only make the matters worse. Instead, they should put forth their thoughts and feelings when they are calm. They need to come with their view points in a more peaceful and thoughtful manner rather than unreasonable arguments. Make them feel assured that their ideas and feelings are most welcome but only in an amicable way.
Last but not the least, set yourself as an example before them. If the children see you as arguing often, they will obviously do the same thing. Let them see you as someone who does not argue but someone who discusses his or her opinions peacefully. Give them a good example to learn and they will immediately follow the suite.