I met Mrs Sharma, our neighbour, after a very long time. An old lady, around sixty, she is very sweet and kind. I asked her wellbeing and where she was for the past few days. She replied that she had gone to London for a wedding. Just then, her grand daughter who is about twelve years came crying. She had gone to the park to play and was hit by a football by a group of boys who were playing nearby.
She went to call her father, Mrs Sharma’s son in law, who lives in a flat opposite to them. Mrs Sharma told me that it is not the first time when, Sanya, her granddaughter was hit by their ball. They are actually very naughty and don’t bother about others who are there in the park.
She added by saying, “Ajkal ke buchche to sunte hi nahi ( kids these days don’t listen). Even we have raised kids but they never misbehaved so much. Parents these days are working and have a lot of money, so they pamper their children with everything. They don’t say anything to their children with effect they become irresponsible and careless.”
She then narrated to me an incident that happened in London. She told me that during her stay at her sister in law’s house, she had an altercation with her nephew. Her nephew’s son who is about ten years old is very naughty. Whenever Mrs Sharma and her husband sat in the drawing room to watch TV, he would come running to play on his Xbox. He would not let them watch TV or for that matter sit in their drawing room.
He played aggressive games, made loud noises and jump on the sofas which would make it difficult for them to sit in that room. He is her nephew’s only son and is pampered by everybody in the house. It continued for two three days and when she couldn’t tolerate it anymore she called her nephew.
She said that I told him why don’t you teach him some manners. He doesn’t even respect us or let’s us sit. To which her nephew replied, “Apko kya pata bete palne kitne mushkil hote hai, apki to betiyan hai na. Ladke to aise hi hote hain .”( How do you know, how difficult it is to raise sons, you have daughters. Boys are like this only.)
She said, “beti ho ya beta, tameez to sabko aani chahiye. ( everybody should have manners be it a son or a daughter). If they don’t learn to behave now, what will they do when they grow up? You can’t allow him, to do anything, be it wrong, just because he is a boy. When he grows up he will do such things which will make your head droop. Then what will you do?”
Her nephew said, “He is just a kid, he will learn on his own when he grows up. That’s how boys are.”
She was very disturbed by that incident. She said if we don’t raise our children responsibly and teach them the right values now, they grow up to become irresponsible and careless youths later and do such things which makes their parents feel ashamed. If we say that “buchche hain, bade ho kar apne ap seekh jaenge,” ( kids learn on their own when they grow up), then we are utterly wrong.
I thought how right she was. How many times we let our children do away with their wrong behaviour by saying that they are kids, they will learn as they grow up. If we let them do away anything and everything they like, then they will never learn to become responsible.
We, as wives, often complain that our husbands never help us with household chores or respect us as an individual but as mothers never bother to teach our children to contribute in household chores or for that matter being sensitive towards others.
Whether boys or girls, we have to teach our children to be more respectful, responsible and obedient. I have read about mother’s who teach even their sons to participate in household chores but for the majority, girls are trained to take care of the house and boys are not supposed to do anything in the house. They are raised with an attitude that they are the superior race and can do anything that they like even from the very beginning. Not only the boys, the girls also need to be taught the same values and learn to become self dependent and respectful. May be that is the reason of the marital problems that we face later in our lives.