I still remember, when I was in school, my friends used to tell me how lucky I was to have parents with whom I could discuss and share everything. It used to really surprise me when they would tell me that the atmosphere in their homes was such that they could not say anything in front of their parents forget about confiding in them their secrets.
This never really happened with me. I have been blessed to have a family where I can share everything and feel secure of not being judged. My sister and my parents are my best pal and I have always openly discussed with them everything I want to.
Even in college, I used to feel this difference. My friends would come to the college dressed up in salwar suits, change their clothes in the washroom and go to watch movies with their friends. When I asked them why they did so, they would tell me that their parents would never permit them to wear western outfits or go for a movie with friends.
Till date, I feel that girls are not comfortable in doing things their own way. There are so many restrictions at home and so many do’s and don’ts that they have no option but to hide it from their parents. It later on creates problems for them.
“Romance fails us and so do friendships, but the relationship of parent and child, less noisy than all the others, remains indelible and indestructible, the strongest relationship on earth” – Theodor Reik
Very often the decision of getting married is also forced upon them directly or indirectly. If they face any problems related to physical relationships, they do not have anyone to confide in. The choice of a lifestyle is not given to them. They have to face morality lessons from everyone.
Even after marriage, there are many instances where the girl is not happy in her marriage but keeps on adjusting because of the simple fact that her family will not support her otherwise. Parents would only ask her to adjust no matter what.
The lessons I learnt as a mother from these instances are:
1. A girl should not feel hesitant to discuss her views on how and when she wants to get married. It’s okay if the parents want her to get married but it should not be forced upon her.
2. If a girl is not happy in her marriage, the parents must understand the problems faced by her. She should also have the freedom of telling her parents about her relationship with the husband even if it is concerning her sexual life.
3. In our culture, we never give importance to sexual life. It remains a subject which is never touched upon and nobody even peaks about it. When a girl gets married, it becomes a very important aspect of her married life and problems can crop up because of that. At that time, it becomes very important to have someone with whom such problems can be discussed.
4. The freedom to choose their lifestyle is not given to girls. They must have this freedom to choose the kind of lifestyle they want to live or the kind of clothes they want to wear without being judged.
It is very important for parents to be their daughter’s best pal and have a relationship where they can share everything they feel like.