Children these days are very smart and intelligent. Inspite of their intelligence they are showing highly aggressive behaviours. As a mother, it is really painful to see your little bud turning out to be a defiant. Motherhood is the most beautiful gift of God.
We keep thinking about and analysing our mothering skill. We try our best to make our children good human beings. It is our constant endeavour to inculcate good values in our kids.
Our jobs become tougher when our child is a little more difficult to handle than others. It becomes very challenging when our child displays aggression or defiance. We keep telling them to do something and they will pick up a fight instead of completing the task with obedience. It leaves us defeated when we get everything like yelling, backfiring, arguing, anger but not obedience.
Think of a scenario like this: the child comes back from school, throws the bag in one corner, the shoes go flying and land in a thud. The socks are rolled down and thrown on the sofa. The belt is thrown on the floor and after creating all the mess the child sits in front of the television. How will you react in a situation like this?
The immediate impulse of the mother is to shout and scold the child to put the things properly at their place, wash his hands and face and have lunch. What will be the child’s reaction? He would either increase the volume of the television or start yelling back. Result? More yelling and backfiring. In the end, the mother gets defeated.
I would not say that I have won my battle. I am trying too. Parenting is about trials and errors. Some trials bring out positive results while some prove to fail. I would like to share here a few of my trials which have succeeded.
a) Acknowledgement and appreciation
Always acknowledge and appreciate even the smallest good effort of your child. Don’t miss out any opportunity to tell him or her that he or she is wonderful for he or she truly is.
b) Stick to your word
If you have asked your child to put away his or her own things at a place then reminding every 5 minutes is futile. It will only result in arguments and complaining.
c) Encourage better decision making
The child is strong willed. He or she knows what he or she wants. There is no point in telling him or her again and again. Do make him or her understand his or her choice. Let the child know what he or she is capable of doing and encourage him or her to make right choices.
d) Positive reinforcement is a must
Along with appreciation, your expressions matter too. This means that while you are encouraging a good behaviour, you must reinforce it with the excitement in you tone and enthusiasm on your face. This lets the child know that he is getting appreciation.
e) Justified punishment
Punishment should not make the child feel as if he or she has done a crime. The punishments should be justified to the extent that they realise their mistake and learn out of it. It should not make him or her feel demoralised. Remember punishments might turn them more defiant and defiant and fearless.
If you follow the rule of punishment, then have a reward system too. Sometimes, even the toughest child learns out of reward than from punishment. Rewards make the defiant more confident of their accomplishments. They feel pleased and encouraged with rewards.
g) Keep calm
Yelling back doesn’t control the situation, instead it will only worsen it. The more calm and peace you show, the more the child will learn to deal with his anger and emotions with peace.
Each child is different and every parent has his or her own way of dealing. It might seem hard and difficult but one should never give up. If one way doesn’t work then keep trying other ways.