It has been twelve years of my motherhood or should I say twelve years of suffering of that perpetual mommy guilt.
The questions like “what I am doing wrong?” starts from the first day of becoming a mother.
“The baby didn’t poop today”.
“Did I feed her well?”
“The baby is falling sick now and then.”
“Is it because I neglected her for going to work?”
“My child did not secure good marks in her exams?”
“Maybe I need to spend more time with her.”
Those pricking questions have been going on in my mind, haunting me, giving me sleepless nights for the past twelve years.
When I look at my kids, these twelve years seems to have passed in a wink; but inside my mind, I have spent these years in imprisonment.
The country is celebrating its Independence but can a mother ever set herself free?
Can she ever spend a few hours by herself without feeling guilty of neglecting her children?
This year, I want to set myself free. Free from those troubling thoughts! Free from those sleepless nights! For once, I want to be free!
How much I wish to get a pat on my back for the upbringing of my children? For once, I would like to hear a few words of someone telling me, “Wow! Your kids are doing so well in everything only because of your efforts.”
Why should anyone else be saying that to me? Why can’t I tell it to myself? Does anyone know better than me how much I have been toiling for the sake of kids? How many times have I put back my wishes and happiness to be by their side? Why can’t it be me who would appreciate myself for the efforts I have been putting for the health and happiness of my children?
While celebrating the Independence of my motherland this year, I want to celebrate the mother inside me; for she has also toiled hard for the sake of her kids.
I stand by myself, supporting and encouraging me for the nights I have spent lying awake only to make sure that my kids are sleeping well.
This year I am setting myself free from that constant state of guilt which had caged me for so long. I will feel good for each and everything that I have done for my children. To every mother like me out there, I would like to give a pat on their back. Let me tell you, whatever you are doing for your kids, is the best.
Do you feel this mommy guilt too? How do you deal with this guilt? Share your views with me in comments.