Hello friends, today I am going to talk about how to stay positive when someone criticizes you. All of us must have faced criticisms from those around us. Nobody likes to hear objections, especially when it comes from someone within our family. We often tend to think negative about ourselves when faced with criticism. What do you do then? How do you stay positive at that time?
It is not that I haven’t faced any criticisms; there have been many such times when my near and dear ones criticized me. Many times I felt terrible and started viewing myself from their lens. I felt hurt, insufficient and alone. But eventually, I learnt my lessons; I learnt to rise above them.
Here is my learning from those hurtful experiences of life:
- Don’t take the criticisms personally
Even though you are the target of those criticisms, don’t take them personally. The language, the words, the views reflected by the person who is criticizing tells a lot more about that person than you. Learn to distinguish that. It might be coming out of that person’s past experiences, thoughts at that time or simple inability to accept others. It is simply not your fault. If the other person is not able to appreciate you, it shows how that person is unable to understand different things or perspective.
2. Don’t expect that you can please everyone.
You can’t please everyone. Nobody can. Why to even put an effort to please others? Why not put the same effort into finding your happiness? So, this is what I learnt. All this while I was trying to make others happy, despite doing my best to make others happy, I would feel that I was not doing enough. Even after changing me entirely as per their whims and fancies, they were still not satisfied. So, why did I do that? Eventually, I realized that it is a wasteful effort even to try to keep others happy. Then, I started finding my happiness. Make your satisfaction a priority rather than giving priority to making others happy.
3. Take the feedback out of criticism rather than focusing on the criticism itself.
Yes, it could be that you are genuinely wrong or perhaps there is a room for improvement. Take the feedback out of what others are trying to say rather than the words that they are using. Many times it happens that you prepare a dish with your best efforts and serve it with all your heart. You are waiting for some words of appreciation, but instead, you get to hear very harsh criticism. Then what to do? In such a situation, it is essential to analyze the situation and see whether truly there is room to make it better or not. Be your judge and try to improve the next time. Take it as a challenge to improve your skills. Remember, nobody is perfect, and you don’t need to be accurate. We all learn and grow gradually.
4. Accept others as they are
Accept the fact that those who are criticizing might have the habit of criticizing everyone. Today it is you; tomorrow it might be someone else. If others are not able to see your qualities and calibre, it is their loss; not yours. Accept them as someone incapable of appreciating others. The day you accept that, their criticisms will stop hurting you.
5. Shift your focus
The pain in our heart comes when we focus on the words that others used. If we stop focusing on that, we won’t feel hurt. Instead of focusing on the negative terms used by them, think of some positive words that you can use for yourself. Positivity will come by thinking positive rather than focusing on the negative. Think about your strengths and your abilities which they are not able to see. Focus on your strengths and your achievements. Take up a challenge and complete it.
I hope my lessons and learning help you stay positive, do share with me your experiences and learning too.