Blogs, Children, Life style, parenting, Toddler, Uncategorized

Celebrating The Uniqueness Every Child is blessed with

Every child is unique and is blessed with different qualities. Some children are friendlier, social and confident. They feel at ease even in the presence of complete strangers whereas there are others who would often keep to themselves and feel happier when they are at home doing the activities they like.
Everyone is born with different personality traits. It’s the way they are and the way they feel comfortable. The extroverts tend to gain more acceptance and popularity with their social skills and that is much more appreciated. On the other hand, the introverts take a long time to open up and find it difficult to exhibit their calibre and talents which tends to remain hidden inside them.
Being an introvert myself, I know how difficult it is to make friends and reach out to people. How uncomfortable and alienated I used to feel in the company of people. Even now I don’t have anybody to call as a friend but that is the way I am and that is the way how I feel happy. It’s about being comfortable in one’s own skin. In the absence of likeminded people, sometimes one finds a great company within oneself.
My two daughters are poles apart. The elder one is my rock star who happily greets everyone she meets in her way. Quite opposite to her is my little songbird, who sings her own songs happily at home. My rock star loves going outdoors whereas my song bird prefers staying indoors. I love both of them for they have their own luminosity.
There were times when, my little one would cry endlessly whenever we had to go out of the house even for an outing specifically for the kids. She would prefer playing alone in the park and avoid company. It started bothering me when it was time for her to get admission in school.
I took her to the day care of the play school I was planning for her. I took her there for two hours initially and stayed in the school. I helped her to get familiar with the school environment and the staff there. During the summer holidays, I enrolled both my girls in the summer camp of the same play school. My little one started feeling more confident and secured in the company of her sister.
After holidays, when I enrolled her in the play group of that school, she was completely comfortable and well adjusted. Gradually, with a lot of love and encouragement, she has become confident and open to people. Although, she feels happier at home but she has opened up and started making friends on her own. Now, when we take her to a new place, she takes some time initially but gradually becomes friendly.
This positive change in her makes pen down a few points which helped me in opening up and now helping my little song bird.

introvert retreat Image courtessy: introvert retreat
1. Be involved with the child:
An introvert child will never ask for your company but it is not that they don’t want it either. They might be too shy to come to you. Be with them. Spend time with them in doing the activities of their choice. It helps them feel more confident and connected. It will help the child in getting his personal space at the same time he will bond with you.
2. Don’t humiliate them publicly or label them in front of anybody:
An introvert child will become more introvert and lose confidence if the elders make fun of him in public or start labelling him as “rude”, “shy guy”, “arrogant” or “introvert”. Appreciate them for being the way they are. He might be more talented than what you think. His being shy does not make him weak rather he has more strength to stand alone.
3. Never force the child to meet and greet others:
Give the child time to get to know and familiarise with new people and new situations. They just need a little more time than others in adapting to new situations. Help them in feeling comfortable to new surroundings and new people. It’s alright if they do not like to be kissed or hugged. Give them other options of greeting their elders. Help them familiarise in new surroundings by offering or showing them some familiar things.
4. Don’t let the child feel neglected:
Let the child feel that you love him and is proud of him for the way he is. You are with him, even if he doesn’t want to be among the strangers. Your constant love and support will help introvert children in coming out of their shells. Let them feel that you are all ears for them whenever they wish to express themselves.
5. Don’t criticise them:
Criticism and judgement is what they are afraid of and makes them shy away. Appreciation and positive encouragement is what they long for. Appreciate and encourage them even for their smallest achievement. Even if the child tried to speak a few words in the school function, he needs a big applause. For he had put a lot of effort to be on the stage and face the audience.

This support and understanding from my parents helped me a lot in becoming more confident and connecting with people. With the same love, support and encouragement, we have noticed a big difference in my little shy bird. She is becoming more confident, talkative and outgoing.
Do share with me your views and tips too to help an introvert child become friendlier.

This post is a part of the blog chain #MMM or #MondayMommyMoments. This post is in link up with my fellow bloggers Deeepa and Amrita.

cover image: sesame street india

 

 

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Blogs, Children, parenting, Uncategorized

Kids These Days Are Not Safe Anywhere, Here Is What You Can Do

 

It really makes me worried as a mother of two to read about the various incidents happening around with children. Earlier, we were allowed to play outside in the streets or in the parks all alone or with friends till very late in the evening. But now, we are too scared to let our children go alone anywhere. It’s sad and terrifying that incidents of rape with small kids are happening in school. Even schools are not a safe place for children these days.

Two years back, when we were on a house hunt, our most important criteria was to have our house which should be nearer to the school of our kids. When we shifted in the new locality, we had a sigh of relief that at last our kids’ school was at a walking distance from our house. I could manage to pick and drop my kids to their school by myself. Though, it is not easy these days to have a house which can be nearer to school, but if we can have then it is really a blessing. Sadly, even then we cannot ensure the safety of our kids fully with sad incidents happening in the school itself.

Here are a few tips to ensure the safety of our kids:

  1. Be open and frank with the child.

We should remain open and frank with our children. Children should feel free to come and tell us about anything without any kind of fear. They should feel free to come to us and tell us about anything and everything that they like. We should have an unbiased and encouraging atmosphere at home where kids find themselves comfortable to express themselves.

2. Educating a child about their own safety.

We must educate our children to be very careful and cautious. We must tell them that they should not talk to any strangers or get lured away by anyone. They should try to be with their friends and not wander away on their own. They should inform the teacher if they come across somebody they feel scared of.

3.The good touch and the bad touch

A very important thing for a child is to understand the difference between the good and the bad touch. They should learn about their private parts and should not expose them to anyone. If someone tries to approach them in indecent way, they should immediately inform their parents.

4. Having daily conversations

One more important thing is to have daily conversations with kids. Spend time with your kids as soon as they come from their school and let them tell you about their day at school. Listen to them patiently even if they talk about very little and unimportant things. It helps in building trust and the child feels important in front of you. That half an hour or one hour after school is very important for daily conversations as they are too excited to tell you about everything that happened in school.

5. Never leave your child unguarded or unattended

This is extremely important. These days, we cannot trust anyone. Kids are not safe at any place. Try to be with the kids as much as you can both physically and mentally. Leaving the child unattended or unguarded even for a minute is not good.

6. Observe the child

Children have terrible mood swings. But even then we should not dismiss any little change in their behaviour or let it go unnoticed. We must keep asking and enquiring the child about what bothers them or makes them uncomfortable.

We must also teach our kids to raise an alarm and not suppress themselves due to any kind of fear.

It is not possible to be with the kids all the times but it is possible to be there for them always. Our kids are the centre of our universe, we must do our best to ensure their safety and security in the best possible means.

This blog was published on mycity4kids: https://www.mycity4kids.com/parenting/my-kids-my-wings/article/kids-these-days-are-not-safe-anywhere-here-is-what-you-can-do

Cove Image: redriverunited.org

Blogs, Children, parenting, Toddler, Uncategorized

Raise Independent Kids with These 5 Simple Tips

Our children are handed to us as tiny little cute bundles looking so innocent and delicate. We love to do everything for them and become so busy with them that we just don’t know when the time flies by and our kids start growing up. Our love of doing everything for them becomes a habit both for us and for our kids.

When the kids grow up, they often refuse to do the things on their own which they are capable of doing. It is important to raise them in a way where they become self-sufficient and self-reliant. It is important for us to understand that one day, our little nestlings will be leaving our nest to fly in the sky.

It requires a lot of patience, love and understanding to raise independent kids. They will throw tantrums, there will be power struggles, a lot of mess but in the end it’s all worth it.

So, how can we do it?

Here are five simple steps to make them independent:

1.    Let them fail and learn

Let the children try to do their things on their own. They will stumble, they will fall. They might do it all wrong but it’s okay. We, mothers, often jump up when our kids are making a mistake while doing something on their own. It’s okay. Let them. Hold yourself back. For example, while getting water for themselves, they might spill it. The spilled water can be mopped but once you stop them, chances are they will never try it again.

2.    Don’t let them get disheartened

Even if they are unable to do something on their own, it’s okay. Appreciate their efforts and encourage them to do it again. Don’t point out that they could not do it instead highlight the fact that they tried.

3.    Help them when they face a problem

When they get stuck in the middle of the task they were doing, help them. Once, twice may be many times. But limit yourself till the point where they are facing problem. Once their problem is resolved, let them do it themselves.

4.    Make things simplified

If we want our kids to learn to be independent, we have to create an atmosphere where they can do things on their own. For example, if we want them to dress up on their own, then we must keep their cupboards organised in a way which they can operate easily. The clothes should be within their reach and kept systematically for the little hands to pick.

5.    Role modelling

Children learn by imitating and watching. Try to role model every activity for them in order to enable them to learn. For example, while brushing their teeth allow them to watch you and brush their teeth while standing next to you. They will learn by watching you do it.

Hope these tips work for you. Do write to me how you are teaching your kids to become independent. I would love to hear your stories.

This post was published on mycity4kids : https://www.mycity4kids.com/parenting/my-kids-my-wings/article/raise-independent-kids-with-these-5-simple-tips

cover image: 4Nannies

 

 

 

 

 

Blogs, Life style, Social Responsibilty, Uncategorized, हिन्दी

सास बहु कैसे बने सहेली, रिश्तों की सबसे बड़ी पहेली

सभी रिश्तों में सबसे उलझा एवं मुश्किल रिश्ता होता है सास बहु का। दो औरतें जब बहनें हों, मित्र हों, पार्क में रोज़ मिलती हों; एक प्यारा सा रिश्ता अकसर बनाने में सफल हो जाती हैं। पर न जाने क्यूँ जब वे सास बहु बनती हैं तो चाहते हुए भी वैसा रिश्ता नहीं बना पाती।

आज कल सास बहु का रिश्ता काफी बदल रहा है किन्तु अभी भी कहीं बहु के मन में और कहीं सास के मन में एक उम्मीद बनी रहती है कि काश हमारी बहु बेटी की तरह होती। कहते हैं कि ताली दोनों हाथों से बजती है, यह सच है। जब तक दोनों अपना हाथ आगे नहीं बढाएंगी तब तक ताली नहीं बजेगी और दोनों सहेली नहीं बन पाएगी।

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इसके कुछ कारण जो मैं समझती हूं वो है –

1. इसका पहला कारण है कि दोनों एक दूसरे को समझ नहीं पाती। मां अपने बच्चे को शुरु से ही देखती आ रही है इसलिए वह उसकी अच्छाई व बुराई सब समझ पाती है। सास बहु का रिश्ता एक दम नया होता है, इसलिये समय तो देना चाहिए।

2. दो घरों की विविधता इस रिश्ते में कठिनाई का कारण बनती हैं, चाहे वह समान धर्म के लोग हों या अलग धर्म के। पौधे का हवा पानी बदलता है तो वो मुरझा जाता है। एक नव विवाहिता भी उसी पौधे के समान होती है।

3. उम्र का फर्क भी बहुत मायने रखता है। बड़े लोग आसानी से अपने आप को बदल नहीं पाते और उनमें एक आधिपत्य की भावना होती है, फिर वह मां ही क्यों न हो। ऐसे में बहु की महत्वपूर्ण भूमिका होती है। बहु को थोड़ा समझना चाहिए।

4. अहम को छोड़ देना चाहिए। जब तक “मैं” रहेगी, चाहे वह सास मे हो या बहु मे, रिश्ता कभी नहीं बन पाएगा। एक ने कही दूसरे ने मानी, इसी का नाम बुद्धिमानी। किन्तु कोई ज़रूरी नहीं कि हर बार न चाहते हुए भी हां करें। चार बार कहना मानें तो एक बार नहीं भी मानेंगे तो चलेगा।

5. बच्चों से सीखना चाहिए। अभी झगड़ा हुआ और अभी मेल मिलाप हो गया। कभी किसी बात पर वाद विवाद हो भी जाए तो उसको भूलना ही बेहतर है। यदी उस झगड़े को लेकर आगे बढेंगे तो कभी दोस्त नहीं बन पाएंगे।

6. किसी भी रिश्ते में मर्यादा का ध्यान रखना ज़रूरी होता है। हर व्यक्ति का अपना द्रष्टिकोण होता है। उसके द्रष्टिकोण को भी उतनी ही एहमियत देनी चाहिए जितनी स्वयं को। झुकने मे कोई व्यक्ति छोटा नहीं हो जाता।

7. अपनी गलतियों को भी देखना व पहचानना चाहिए और सुधारना चाहिए और जितनी जल्दी हो सके माफी मांगना चाहिए।

8. किसी भी रिश्ते मे 100 प्रतिशत तो नहीं मिलते। इसलिए यदि जो हमारी ओर से 50% है, यदि हम वो सारा दे दें तो दूसरी ओर से 25% तो मिल ही जाएगा। 75% अच्छा होने से वह रिश्ता अच्छा ही होता है।

9. सास , बहु और वो। यह वो हर जगह परेशान करता है। पति, पत्नी और वो के रिश्ते की तरह इस रिश्ते में भी कोई तीसरा आए, चाहे वो कोई भी हो तो मन मुटाव बढ़ जाता है। किसी दूसरे की बात पर ध्यान न देकर आपसी मत भेद को आपस मे ही मिटाए तो अच्छा रहता है। फोन पर कभी सास अपनी बेटी से या बहु नी मां से अगर एक दूसरे की बुराई करें तो वह भी दरार का कारण बनती है। यहां तक कि पति और ससुर को भी इस रिश्ते से दूर रखना चाहिए।

10. बहु की बेटी से या दूसरे कि बहुओं से और सास की मां से या फिर दूसरे की सास से तुलना न करें। आशाएं न रखें। किसी ने कुछ कर दिया तो भी अच्छा और अगर न किया तो भी अच्छा। उनकी क्षमता को देखते हुए व्यवहार करना चाहिए। क्षमता से बाहर तो मां भी अपनी बेटी को मना कर देती है। यदि मां डांटें तो कोई बात नहीं और यदि सास ने कुछ कहा तो मुहल्ले मे ढिंढोरा पीट दिया, ऐसा भी नहीं होना चाहिए।

जानती हूँ कि कहना आसान होता है पर करना मुश्किल, फिर भी कोशिश तो करी जा सकती है आखिर घर भी हमारा है और रिश्ते भी। और वैसे भी, तोड़ने से बेहतर तो जोड़ना ही है।

Blogs, Life style, parenting, Uncategorized

Motherhood – Where Every Phase Brings in a New Challenge #MondayMommyMoments

 

Motherhood is indeed a very challenging phase. It is a phase that changes a woman completely. So much so, that I cannot even recognise myself now. But there is one thing which I know about myself now and that is I am a mother. Before that I had many words in my dictionary to describe myself but now one word sums me up completely i.e. A Mother.

When my elder one was born, I used to think that perhaps handling a new born is the most difficult phase. Soon, she turned two and I felt “Oh My God! This is terrible.” Her tantrums were beyond control. I assured myself then that perhaps this is the most difficult phase. It will be better once she grows up a little.

Then, started her schooling. Every morning, half an hour used to be the crying time; “I don’t want to go to school!”

Again, I consoled myself, “This too shall pass”.

Ultimately, we sailed through. Now, again years have gone by, I am a mother of two now.  But Motherhood challenges seems to be unending.

-quotes-about-being-a-mother

The New Born:

Be it a new born baby or should I call “the new born mom”, this is the challenge where both simply do not know each other. How to do? What to do? At times, even “why am I here?” “why do I have to be surrounded in poops and vomits all the times?” “Can someone handle the baby while I can go peacefully to the loo?”

With a new born in hand, I often found myself clueless. “Is the baby alright while sleeping?” “Did I miss the sound of the burp?”

It’s okay moms. You are doing just fine and the baby is fine too. No need to stress yourself too much there.

Toddler Tantrums

Not only the terrible twos but my kids have been throwing tantrums much after that. I don’t know when they will stop doing so. They copy each other and follow each other’s footsteps just to get our attention. For handling a toddler, one needs to be a pro in diverting the kid’s attention.

The Fussy Eater

Another big challenge for a mom is too deal with the fussy eating habits of her child. Whatever is served to them will rarely go down their tummies. I remember how I ended up over eating myself with the leftover food of my kids and resulted in few extra kilos of weight on myself.

Then spotting a pigeon in the balcony came to my rescue. I would love to thank all the pigeons and crows that perched my balcony when my toddler would throw a tantrum while eating. Spotting a pigeon always helped me in diverting her attention and make her eat a bite or two.

The Pre-Schooler and the Senior School Going

Now, when one of my girls is going to Grade 4 and another one is in kindergarten, managing their studies at the same time becomes a challenge. At the time when I was not a mother, I could easily handle 40 students in my classroom. Now, teaching two at home has become terrible.

You keep any number of stationery and still the eraser is forever missing. All the sharpened pencils suddenly lose their tips.

Patience, Patience and some more Patience

In between all these challenges, one thing which goes amiss is your patience. The biggest challenge then becomes is to take hold of your sanity and patience. Once you get hold of it, other things start falling in place.

So, all the mommies out there, what are your challenges in this beautiful journey of motherhood? Do share with me.

A fellow blogger shares her wonderful thoughts on the same topic. 

Enjoy reading her thoughts Amrita andDeepa .

This post has been written for #MondayMommyMoments. 

(Follow on Twitter @DeepaGandhi1 and @misra_amrita )